Life has been so crazy I haven't sat down to write down the birth story of our third sweet child, Kalani Elizabeth.. Hopefully I can remember most of the details and Nathan can help fill in what I might miss.
Nathan and I had been in the process of looking for both a house and a job for quite some time as we knew Nathan's job was coming to a close. When he left Maryland for Idaho in June we started looking very hard. Nothing was happening and it was probably some of the hardest months in our lives, patience wise. We really learned to be patient with the Lord's timing. It was not easy and there was a lot of uncertainty with a new baby coming but it happened as it needed to, I am sure.
I was driving about 1 hour and 45 minutes every time I had a midwife appointment and I knew that there was a potential I could have this baby before my due date as I had with both my others. My one desire was that I be in my own house before I had this baby.
We ended up going back and forth between buying or not buying a duplex attached to Nathan's brother's that was being sold. The downside was it needed A LOT of work. Neither the inside or outside of the house had been taken care of and we knew that pretty much everything in this house would have to be touched with a deep clean, paint, and even new flooring in part of it. It turned out to be even more of a job than we anticipated but that story is for another day and another write up. Yet, somehow we were supposed to be here. I am not sure of all those reasons yet.
Well, everything happened at once. Nathan got a job and we finalized plans on a house in about two weeks. Ironically, Nathan's first day of work and our move in date were the same day. While Nathan went off to work I hauled myself, my big belly, and my two other kiddos to get our new house keys and switch utilities into our name.
I unlocked the door and walked into our new house a bit before Nathan was to get off work. I knew it wouldn't be a welcoming sight already but walking in to the house in the state of pregnancy I was with two kiddos when my husband started a new job was overwhelming. I sat down on the dirty living room carpet with my back against the wall and cried. I could not see an end in sight and the thought that I could have this baby any day with the place we were living in the state it was became too much for my mind to handle.
We knew we didn't have a lot of time to sulk so we got to work as soon as we could and started getting things ready to clean. We moved cleaning supplies and beds in and got to work. Little did I know that two nights later my water would break and I would go into labor. :-)
On Wednesday, September 9th I work up for the day with energy, much more than I had the previous day and figured I would use it to try and get down what I could. Once I got the kids organized and entertained I cleaned that morning and after Grandma Benson came to help I took off for a while to get some much needed groceries and home supplies. When Nathan got home that afternoon we did inventory of the house and everything we needed to get at our huge Lowe's trip to get this house into shape. Shortly after, around 3:30 p.m. we took off to look at new appliances for the house. We had none. We spent a few hours looking at appliances at two different stores and on our way to Lowe's Nathan wanted to stop and see a friend. We stopped for a minute, joked about going into labor, and afterwards we were off to Lowe's where we spent our evening.
I'm sure I was quite the site waddling around that store. We were hauling two carts chuck full and we had an open push cart full of paint up front. I don't remember how many people asked me about my due date. I know a couple people who saw us an hour or two after helping us would walk by and comment, "You're still here? What can we do to help?" One sweet lady was so concerned about me and made sure to help us find the last few things we needed so we could get out the door and offering me a chair at checkout. It took us about 30-45 minutes just to check out and then we were on our way.
I remember joking with Nathan back and forth about going into labor after walking around Lowe's for so long. He told me multiple times that day that I was not allowed to have a baby right now. Tough luck.
We arrived back to our house that night just after 10:00 p.m. Shortly after walking in the door I told Nathan and his parents that I was going to lay down for a bit in the bed as I was very tired and sore. I got comfortable and about 5-10 minutes after doing so I felt the familiar pop that I had with my first baby. My water broke and I knew then that I would have a baby in the next 12 hours or so.
Shortly after I texted my midwives to let them know. They told me to let them know when contractions were close enough together. My contractions started very shortly after my water broke and seemed to progress pretty quickly. They were not really strong but were coming pretty often by about 11:00 p.m. so my midwives told me to go ahead and come into the birth center to be safe. We packed up our bags and headed off to the birth center.
I spent the next couple hours walking around the birth center. When the contractions started getting more intense and the bath was full I went ahead and got into the birthing tub to help with the edge of pain. It was heaven. I loved being able to labor in the water and did for quite some time, eventually turning on my Hypnobabies track to try and really relax a bit.
At one point myself, my husband, my mother, my mother-in-law, and my midwives all caught a little nap. I am still so grateful for that little nap to recharge after what was an incredibly long day and looking forward to a long night and morning. After napping for a bit I decided to get out of the water and walk around a bit to get things moving again. My midwife, Amuri checked on Kalani and as anticipated she was still hanging out on my right side, not the ideal place for birthing. Usually babies tend to move over to the left side to prepare for birth as it is easier for birthing. After realizing she wasn't moving as we wanted, my midwife asked me to lay down on my left side to give gravity a try. I lied in bed for quite a while, however kept asking if I could get back into the tub as my birthing waves were getting more intense. We warned the water back up and I got into the tub for my last leg of labor.
I labored in the tub again for a while and as my birthing wives got more intense time ticked on. Both of my previous labors were about 9 hours and when I got to that 9 hour mark I started getting pretty discouraged. The contractions were intense but I did not feel the urge to push. I wanted to have that baby but it just wasn't happening like we wanted. I consented to having my midwives check my dilation. At this point I was at a 9. I didn't want to break my other bag of waters so I passed on that and continued to labor in the tub.
About an hour later I knew things still were not progressing as anticipated so I decided to go ahead and have my other bag of waters broken. Discussing this with my midwives we were all pretty confident that Kalani would come shortly after, as I was hoping. Birthing waves got very intense just as I knew they would after breaking my water but the urge to push didn't come. I was getting very discouraged, tired, and beyond ready to have my sweet girl at this point. I kept a constant prayer in my mind for my Savior to lift me up and help me to finish the birthing process.
I was fully submissive at that point. I had visualized a very specific birth in my mind for much of my pregnancy and at this point I knew that it wasn't going to happen as I wanted. I had to submit and realize that what I wanted was not necessarily the way this baby needed to be birthed and that was okay.
My midwife checked me again to see if there was something going on that was stopping progression at that point and we realized that Kalani was trying to come out face first. She had hyper-extended her neck so that she was not able to move through smoothly. Danielle worked on trying to coax Kalani to move her head back in place for a little while. I labored again for a little bit when Danielle had what I believe in my heart was a prompting from the Spirit to get me out of the water and in a different position.
Part of my visualization of birthing, was having a gentle water birth but I knew that I needed to be willing to let go of that. I changed positions as asked to a sitting position and almost immediately the urge to push came. I sat for a couple minutes at which point my midwives asked if I would like to get back in the tub to which I promptly responded I didn't. Haha. I was ready and not moving! I did move to my hands and knees right before and after 3 minutes of pushing, our sweet Kalani Elizabeth finally joined us.
I knew it would take me some time to really internalize all my feeling from the birthing experience. It turned out completely different than what I had visualized. I wasn't immediately okay with that. I desired for different things with this birth and not all of them came. But, one of my midwives said something. She said she was sorry I was not able to have the water birth I wanted but that it just wasn't quite what my baby needed. Kalani needed something a little different than what I wanted. Isn't it true in much of life though that about the third watch, the last hour, is when we realize what we want might not be what we need..
I know though, without a doubt, that I was where I needed to be and had chosen the right care providers for this birth. Being able to be in the birth suite setting with my calm, collected, and capable midwives kept me calm. I was able to do what I needed to do in a relaxed, comfortable setting and birthing my baby girl naturally helped me to be in tune and knowledgeable to what needed to happen.
Becoming a mother has been the most humbling and spiritual experience I have ever had. Each time I go through the birthing experience I learn new things about myself, my capabilities, my body, and my Savior. I can't tell you how many times I prayed during those hours of labor, especially at the end; and I know that I was made more, I was strengthened, and I was carried during my birth experience through my Savior's atonement.
There is such a sweetness in knowing the miracle of motherhood in all it's ways. So sweet.
