6.15.2018

Denial and Grief

It's been over three weeks since the accident. My dad died in an accident while driving. We don't know why it happened. We are only sure that through the path his truck traveled that he more than likely wasn't conscious through the worst part of it.

A couple days after it happened, three weeks ago, I stopped at the scene on my way home from the accident. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I needed to be in the place he was last. Nathan and I sat down on the side of the road and cried together, we picked up some of his coins that were left there, sat in silence, and tried to wrap our minds around what happened.

I haven't driven by that exit since then. I have traveled through Downey where his truck was towed after the accident. I have traveled back and forth through there about six times and his truck was there every time. Most of the time I would stop for a few minutes and just think about my dad, how much he loved his truck, and how the tangled up metal couldn't possibly be his.

Today I drove to Blackfoot after about a week and a half. His truck was gone. It may have been harder to drive past and not see it there. Those things pull me out of denial for awhile, knowing that things will continue to change and life will still move on without him here. A part of me has been stuck back on Sunday, the night before the accident when we were all together as a family, and Monday afternoon when Nathan came home from work to tell me what happened. I haven't moved too far past that week of being together and ending with his funeral.




I know the answers that he is in a better place, he's no longer limited by pain, and he's looking down on us but the pain will still come. It will still sting when I think about life without him still physically here, not able to hear his voice, or hold his hand before I walk out the door, saying goodbye. There will still be nights that the tears fall heavily from my eyes, and days where I watch my mom hurt for her husband to be back holding her again.

Life together on this Earth is a blessed thing. It is a miracle to know all that was created and organized for us to be here together. But, it hurts to know we leave it not together the majority of the time. It is said we are apart only for a short time...yet for us left here it seems to feel much longer.




"Grief, I've learned is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."   -Jamie Anderson


5 comments:

  1. Thank you Sharon. I love your beautiful thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Luana for everything and for being such an amazing friend to my mom!

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  2. My heartfelt condolences,Sharon, your love for your father is beautifully expressed here. Hugs to you and family from MD.

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    1. Thank you so much Amy! We have all felt so much love!

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  3. Love you Sharon, wonderful thoughts. God Bless

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