Before I became a mother I had it in my head that I would be a pretty good mother. I didn't believe I would be perfect but I didn't think it would come to define most of the trenches in my life. I love my divine calling as a mother. It is a huge part in defining who I am but I'm not as great at it as I anticipated I would be.
I've struggled with it. I've fought against it. I've been overcome by it. It is the most incredible job I have ever had the privilege of performing but it has also brought me some of my most difficult challenges in this life to date. I wrote a talk for my speaking assignment in church recently on the General Conference address by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, You Matter to Him. An excerpt I wrote says this:
"As
a stay at home mom most of all my work goes on in the home and many days I feel
that much if not most is unseen. It happens at night when I go to comfort a
little one who had a nightmare…in the bright early hours of the morning when my
2 year old walks into my room, “saying, ‘Mommy, Up! Mommy, Up!’ and so I pull
my tired body out of bed and pick him up in my arms. It happens when my 9 month
old is miserable with a cold and wants to be held all day so even though I
think my arms might fall off, I snuggle that little one close to try and ease
her pain. It is in the trenches of a bad day when the 9 month old grabs her
older brother’s bowl of cottage cheese and spills it all over the carpet but
instead of following my instinct to be frustrated and get mad I was able to
practice patience and speak words of kindness. It might be when my 2 year old
has an epic meltdown of sorts and instead of melting down myself I chose to
pick him up and snuggle him close...We all do many acts each day which are unseen
and unimportant to the eyes of the world but they are never unseen in God’s
eyes."
Many, and dare I say most, of the things you do as a mother will be unseen in many ways but I think it would be well for us to remember that none of these vitally important things, which seem so menial in nature at times, are yet always seen and noted by the Father of our Spirits.
I owe a great deal of thanks to the mothers in my life. My own mother is one of the very kindest of souls. She has a giving heart and an incredible ability to love others, no matter their circumstance in life. She has spent her days of life in the service of those around her and most especially her family. I have learned from her example that if you have a prompting you don't think about it, you just act on it.
I also owe thanks to my mother-in-law. She has been a light in my life since I have known her and she helped my husband to become the kind man that he is. I have learned a great deal of the gift of healing and of feeling from her, which has become a huge blessing in my life. She also spends her days in the service of others and i am grateful for that example.
My hope and my prayer is for truly finding joy in the trenches of motherhood. It is to take the example of those gone before me and to trust that I am indeed called to be the one specific mother to my own precious children and that I am capable to teach and lead them through life, despite my weaknesses. I hold dear the mother hearts that surround me in life. These include family, friends, sisters, and all those women in my life that I hold dear whether you have your own children on this Earth or not. I truly believe every woman has a mother heart and I am grateful for each one of those tender, loving women as my examples.
I will revel and find joy in the moments where a 2 year old, Kamden Wade chooses to share his cheerios with mommy, daddy, and little sister. Maybe it will be when a sweet 1 year old, Kaliana snuggles her head over my shoulder holding me close. It is in those little moments that I find joy in the trenches of a divine, but difficult, calling of motherhood.
Beautiful!!!
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