Yesterday, Kamden (fed up with my parenting) sat at the front door with a sweater on and a backpack on his back telling me he was going to run away.
This, oh so cute, boy had been stuck in his room for about 30 minutes at the time because he refused to clean his room. It was "too much" for him! So, because I insisted he stay there until his room was clean, the only logical way out was running away. (I don't blame him completely...sometimes I want to run away from dishes, laundry, or cleaning the bathrooms).
Eventually I convinced him he needed to eat lunch first so he had the energy to get to where he wanted to go. During lunch we talked and this is what happened!
Eventually, after all this he finally decided to clean his room and earn a quarter. Unfortunately, that quarter was not enough to buy a tent so he decided he would run away without a tent. Luckily, we were having pizza and cookies for dinner and he decided to stay for a while!
We are blessed to have a lot of adventure in our life right now...uncertain adventure but adventure nonetheless.
You know I think that's what life is though...one uncertain adventure! One beautiful, uncertain adventure!
We found out in January that we are adding another little one to the Benson bunch! We will be a family of five! I'm not planning on it but I hope I can stay caught up to three little ones come September!
We were in Florida when we found out, where we were for about four months to see Nathan's hard work for the last four year be shot into space! The NASA MMS Spacecraft that Nathan has worked on launched on March 12th and he was able to be finish work on it and see it launch into space to fulfill it's mission!
We are back in Maryland for just a few weeks, after which his contract will end. The plan was to have a job lined up in Utah already and be heading off onto a much more certain adventure. However, that isn't our reality. We have no job lined up and we are living on a prayer that Heavenly Father will help us find our way that aligns with his plan in this uncertain adventure of life!
I've spent a lot of time being frustrated that my plans have not come to fruition. I've had a lot of hopes for our new journey that haven't happened or I know now aren't going to happen. There has been some disappointment felt, tears cried, and learning to let go. The journey isn't happening how I planned for it. I'm not getting exactly what I want. There are lots of things I want that I see others have. I want my own beautiful home, land to have a little farm on, for my husband and I to be done with school, and some other things. I've spent time playing the game of comparison and growing disappointment, robbing myself of the joy in the trenches. "Comparison is the thief of joy" but it's just not worth it. Joy does not come in gaining what others have. "Joy is not in things, it is in us!"
There is joy to be found in the trenches of this uncertain adventure. My journey is my own and it's time to find joy in that journey. I will work towards my goals and dreams on the path that Heavenly Father places in front of me. There will be joy and I am meant to experience that if I let myself.
I believe our natural state is joy! Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. That doesn't mean it's always going to be right in front of us. Sometimes we will have to look for it to find it but there is joy even in the darkest of days.
I guess I'll try this whole blogging thing again...at least while I feel like it! ;-)
But really, I guess I need to write a few things out...make sense of it all...organize my thoughts...and explain a few things. What better place, right!?! Haha...you don't have to agree with that BUT you can if you want to!
I'm constantly being shaped, changed, molded into something I'm not yet but hope to be. I have plenty of ideas in my head of what life should be like, what I should be doing, and even what would make me happy but those things don't usually seem to be the answer. Sometimes the answer comes softly, sometimes I have to be hit over the head with what seems like a literal hammer, and sometimes Heavenly Father is patient with me but nudging me for quite a while before I finally surrender my will.
I'm stubborn and when I get an idea in my head it's HARD to get it out. I don't like to fail and yet I'm learning that is exactly what life is about, FAILURE, over and over again until some day we are okay with understanding that we are imperfect and our plans aren't always HIS plans (and then usually we fail some more, repeating the cycle ;-)).
I've had a lot of people ask recently if I'm still doing that coaching thing and what's going on. I post endlessly on Facebook and Instagram for a year about my health and fitness journey and then all the sudden I drop off the face of that world pretty abruptly. I had a couple sweet friends tell me they were worried and wanting to make sure everything was okay. I've had a lot of people ask what's up so I guess I decided I should just go ahead and write it out...do some explaining!
Yes, I am still a Beachbody coach. I believe in the system and I believe in the products. They changed A LOT for me! With that being said, No I am not actively building a coaching business with Beachbody. Do I still believe in the business side of Beachbody? Absolutely! I love the business structure as well.
So why up and quit building?
I don't have all the answers and some people won't understand the reasoning (I figure that's why I didn't feel like explaining it in the first place) BUT, I'm following my purpose. Wait, Beachbody coaching was my purpose, right? Yes, it was a part of my purpose AT THE TIME and I thought maybe forever but sometimes our plans aren't HIS plans. I truly believe in my heart that God has a plan for each one of us and while I thought Beachbody coaching would be in my plan for a much longer time I was wrong, and that's okay.
This time around my Heavenly Father was pretty patient, but with lots of nudging a long the way, until I was finally able to realize and accept that I couldn't ignore promptings that my purpose needed to move elsewhere. I still don't have a definite path that I know is meant to replace Beachbody coaching but sometimes the answers don't come right away. Sometimes they come over time and sometimes we just don't see them for a while.
I have a beautiful family I call my purpose. They are the center of it all and the rest while it can be full of AMAZING opportunities can't all be part of what God has in store for me so I'll focus on the center and let the rest happen as it needs to.
The lessons of life come in different ways for all of us and while sometimes we wish our path looked more like another's or maybe that it didn't veer off of the path we had set it in our mind ultimately God has a plan; and that plan is much more than we could ever imagine with all of it's twist and turns.
In October of last year I decided to make a change. I was really struggling. I was unhappy, tired all the time, and still struggling with depression after having my little Kaliana Brooklyn. I needed something to work towards. I LOVE being a mother but I needed something for me. At first mention I thought I was being selfish. However, I realized quickly that taking care of myself would seriously change the whole dynamic of our home and my efforts in motherhood.
I started living a new healthy lifestyle that consisted of good nutrition and regular exercise. It became my outlet of sorts and a way to be proud of myself. I was accomplishing something great which I wasn't sure I could do. I was scared I would fall flat on my face but honestly, I'm pretty sure I had already fallen flat on my face so what could it hurt?
I lost about 20 lbs. and around 18 inches overall in the span of about 4-5 months by working out 25-30 minutes a day, drinking Shakeology, and eating clean so I decided to start running online fitness challenge groups. These are what helped me stay on track and keep working towards my goal even when it got hard. I was accountable and I had support from others working towards similar goals. I started Fitness Empowered on Facebook and shortly after on Instagram to help inspire others to realize their own potential and to find a place of empowerment. I truly found that there could be joy, even when we were deep in the trenches of a long, hard day.
Finding joy in those trenches inspired me to share even more. Fitness was a huge part of finding my joy but it also came through my faith, my family, and my divine calling in life as a mother. I wanted to share it all and well, that brought me to this spot. I worked on the idea of a blog for a couple months until this little blog of mine, Finding Joy in the Trenches, came to fruition. This is my place to share it all and help inspire others to start finding joy in their own trenches.
I'm grateful for the opportunity to share with so many through blogging, Facebook, and Instagram. Social Media can be a tool used for great good! So, in an effort to keep everything consistent all across the board Fitness Empowered on both Facebook and Instagram will now become part of this journey to Finding Joy in the Trenches. I founded Team Fitness Empowered in an effort to help others on their own journey to better health and there will be no changes to that team. It will remain that way and if you want to learn more about my team and how you can join it as a customer or a coach please comment or email me at bensshar@gmail.com.
I have found that the most important callings in my life are also those that require sometimes a great deal of time spent in the trenches and they are not separate in my life but they all run together and without one I would not be the same person. Please join me in the journey to Finding Joy in the Trenches of Faith, Family, Fitness, and Motherhood.
I honestly pour my heart and soul into this and I would feel honored to have you be a part of it! Please come follow me and share your stories with me as well at bensshar@gmail.com. I am truly inspired by all of your stories and I would love to share them with others alike.
